Sunday, July 19, 2009

Here I am again

I think that only one person out of anyone who reads this blog will get it. I'm not even sure what I'm about to write or why. It is currently 5:40 in the am and I Sidney Bernard Raskind am about to cry. I know why but I can't admit it even to myself.

Things that I am scared of:

1) not knowing what or who I am.
2) looking back on my life and seeing all the mistakes I have made and not being able to fix them at all.
3) Ending up like my father, alone with a family that dislikes him and bridges burned to all hell.
4) That high school was the prime time of my life

I just looked back on my past and started to cry. Only a little bit. Now I am done.

It must be when it gets so early in the morning without sleep that I get like this. Also when I make contact with something that I haven't thought about in a really long time. Completely tried to forget even. Blocked off networking sites to make my life easier.

I fucking hate when i get like this. The sun is rising and it's a new day. I just remembered all the things that are good in my life now.

I'm so fucking bi-polar sometimes it's ridiculous. Is there a pill for that?

P.S. I'm still wearing all my clothes from yesterday. Fully. Why don't i put on PJs when I get home? Why don't I get comfortable? I don't get it as much as Kristen doesn't. Am I odd?